Sham Shui Po

Podcast!

Here’s my next podcast.

Fortress Hill Mix

Flower Gardens - Chad VanGaalen (2006)
Grey Hound Part 1 – Jon Spencer Blue Explosion (Moby remix) (1995)
The Equalizer – Junior Boys (2006)
Giddy Stratospheres – The Long Blondes (2004)
Neverland – The Knife (2006)
Schneider TM – The Light 3000 (2000)
Collarbone – Fujiya and Miyagi (2006)
Right in The Head – M. Ward (2006)
16 Military Wives – The Decemberists (2005)
The Telekinetic – The Great Depression (2006)
Alameda – Elliott Smith (1997)
Los Angeles I’m Yours – The Decemberists (2003)
Sing Me to Sleep – Chad VanGaalen (2006)
Angela – Bob James (1978)

To subscribe to the podcast, all you need to do is highlight this following link: http://www.switchpod.com/users/barbapapa/feed.xml and then copy it. Go to iTunes, highlight podcasts and then under “advanced” you can click on subscribe to podcast. Paste the link into the field and then click update to start downloading!

Anything but the standard moon cake

Mid Autumn Moon Festival

The Moon Festival is one of the three main Chinese celebrations and is centered around the traditional harvest time; the autumn equinox. Of course there is a story to go with it and as best as I’ve been able to piece it together Da Vinci code style, from print ads and confection tins, there was a beautiful maiden with long eyebrows and a bindi. She was to be married to the emperor but she loved another man and when she thought she might be pregnant, she ran away to the moon with a white rabbit. After she killed the rabbit and figured out that she wasn’t pregnant, she was sad because she couldn’t come back down again but lucky for her, it was the Easter bunny she brought along with her and it was resurrected and laid delicious moon cakes for them to eat. Every year, people celebrate in Hong Kong parks by lighting elaborate lanterns, eating moon cakes and setting wax fires that destroy public property.

Actually, the point of this is to talk about the moon cakes that are given out as gifts every year for the moon festival. These are a traditional southern Chinese delicacy which has spread throughout the rest of China. For those who are unfamiliar with moon cakes, they are the epitome of Chinese cuisine. A divine flaky crust wrapped around a moist and perfectly sweet filling of red bean or lotus seed paste. Nestled in it is a salted duck egg yolk. What? Salty with sweet you say? Have you ever had dark chocolate with a sprinkling of fleur de mer (sea salt)? It brings out the flavors like nothing you would ever expect and you can taste every sudden nuance that would have been covered by the sugar. It’s no wonder these treats command such high prices.

I’m just kidding. They are amongst the vilest concoctions ever created. I honestly can say that I don’t know anyone who actually likes them. Like Christmas cakes on crack, these things are ridiculously expensive and everyone is trying to get into the action because it’s so lucrative. To give credit where it’s due, most places sell moon cakes that taste nothing like the traditional cakes but do share the look. Maxim’s is selling Thai, Japanese, Italian and modern Chinese inspired versions with TV ads which borderline on racist. The Thai one is particularly appalling. Starbucks has a coffee flavored chocolate version and Hagaan Daas has an ice cream version. Beyond the high financial cost, the landfills are paying a price too. There is on average, seven pieces of packaging per cake, and local environmental groups are pleading with producers and consumers to turn to simple packaging.

A neighbor just gave my family a tin of moon cakes tonight. I know those damn things are expensive so really, we should give something back. Do I go out and buy a tin for her too? Do I continue this cycle of inedible cakes? Is this how blood feuds start?

Please forgive me

Sorry guys. I've been organizing our warehouse for the last few days so no emails or posts. Apparantly, one of the truck drivers we hired to help us move asked our office manager who the new "mainlander" was as he barely spoke and was "white and doughy" so he must be new to manual labor.

Restaurant Review!

Fat Kee Seafood Restaurant l Po Toi l Kowloon

What do you do if you are looking for seafood in Hong Kong? You go to a fishing village of course! The waters around Hong Kong are littered with islands and coves so many of these fishing villages are situated in hard to find locations. Many of them have now added tourism to fishing and aquaculture as their sources of income.

The road leading to Po Toi was lined with cars parked illegally up a narrow cliff side road. What was the big attraction? One restaurant which was so busy, it offered a free bus service to take diners to and from their cars. Fat Kee Seafood Restaurant stood out like a lighthouse across the small dark cove. The entrance was obscured by a huge display of live seafood in bubbling tanks. This is your standard seaside seafood restaurant layout and in many respects the dishes are fairly consistent across the board.

Now before I get into this, I need to tell you that I honestly believe that you need to respect what you are eating. For the most part, something has to die for you to eat, so you should really think carefully about where it came from and how it was raised. Cuttlefish, for example, are actually quite intelligent, social and communicative.

In my mind, all I could do was apologize when it came out sliced into thin strips of sashimi. I abhor shrimp or squid sashimi. It’s tasteless and it feels like plastic in your mouth. Some things just aren’t meant to be eaten raw. The tentacles were served separately, deep fried, but even then it came out tasting of batter instead of cuttlefish. The mantis shrimps were also deep fried with loads of garlic and chili peppers but their small size meant that the meat inside was dried out by the time the shell was crispy. Not to say the meal was all bad. The steamed grouper was perfectly done and the crab steamed with egg whites and rice wine was beautiful. The smooth egg white sauce was permeated with the fragrance of the wine.

All through the meal, I kept on eating that damn sashimi because it seemed like such a waste and everyone else was too concerned about cholesterol to eat it. It just seemed like murder to me and at $250 Cdn for the entire meal, it felt even more like murder.

good maks

not so good maks

Restaurant Review!

Chi Kee l Causeway Bay l Hong Kong

Wonton soup is one of those dishes that has become synonymous with Hong Kong and Cantonese cuisine in general. Quite a few places boast the best wonton soup in Hong Kong but as with many things, hype eclipses truth.

Chi Kee is one of those wonton restaurants that has had a long history of fame and respect. Why? I have no idea. The noodles were shockingly limp and tasteless. The soup was way too strong and the wonton were tasteless and waterlogged. All in all, one of the worst wonton noodles soups I have ever had! I think my uncle number 5 needs to have his head checked out because he loves this place.



Restaurant Review!

Mak’s Noodles l Causeway Bay l Hong Kong

Being universally known as the best wonton house in Hong Kong is a big order. In fact, they even opened locations in Vancouver and god knows where else. Anthony Bourdoin ate here for Chrissakes.

So I was a little unsure of what to expect when I sat down in my little booth and ordered the wonton with noodles. It came to me in a small bowl which was perfect because this was going to be an afternoon snack for me. The noodles were good with a nice spring but I actually found the wonton to be a bit lacking. I actually think its better in Vancouver where the noodles are close but the wonton is way better.

As I finished my noodles I looked down to see that they had printed someone’s post from some food chat site. I don’t know Susiechow238. I wouldn’t say it’s the “best ever” even if your “bf” ate 6 bowls in one sitting.

Restaurant Review!

Mak’s Noodles l Sheung Wan l Hong Kong

I spent all afternoon zigzagging my way up and down the alleys from Central to Sheung Wan looking for this gem. I had been here a few years before and was curious to see if it really was as good as I recalled. Of course, it was on the last street possible but I found it nonetheless. Not to be mistaken for the other Mak’s Noodles, this one though not as famous, still has its own strong following.

The moment of truth. I sat down in a tiny cramped stall and ordered a large wonton and noodles. The noodles are definitely the best to found. They have a spring and almost crunch to them which make them lively in your mouth. The wonton of course, were filled with shrimp but weren’t overpowered by it so that you can taste the mix of ingredients such as shitake mushrooms. Finally, the broth, unlike most places, wasn’t saturated with MSG and in the end, left me with a comfortable satiation. I have to say that this is the best so far.

Just as I finished my meal, I overheard a man saying to the cashier / boss, “What? You’re telling me that you don’t have change for $100?” The cashier became furious and replied, “I don’t have to break your $100! Go get change somewhere else! Get the hell out of here!” At that juncture he threw the guys $100 bill on the ground. That’s right. You’ve got the goods. You’re the cock of the block.

Your free donut sir!

The Unified Theory of Everything

In physics, there is a concept known as super-symmetry. Basically what it means is that every particle has a closely related partner. It closely ties energy with matter and is both organized and elegant.

Anyways, why am I bringing this up? Well, I was at Krispy Kreme getting some donuts and coffee the other day. I noticed that the line up was long (which was a good sign for the franchise here) and there was someone handing out free donuts as usual. Thing is, I had never seen this guy in here before and he didn’t look he was part of the regular staff. He was greeting everyone in English and his deformed face looked really familiar to me. Did he remind me of someone I knew? Did I actually know this guy? Did I really know a guy this ugly? No, no and no.

He handed me a donut and he spoke with a bit of an accent. “Welcome to Krispy Kreme” he said. “Please have a free donut sir”. I still couldn’t place him and kept staring at him as I moved ahead and placed my order. Then I overheard him say the fateful words. “Hello little girl, what’s your name? My name is Bolo.” No. It can’t be. I looked over at him. Instead of two original glazed wrapped around his meaty paws, I pictured rags. Instead of piping hot icing dripping off the donuts, I imaged shards of broken glass. Instead of the clerk repeating to me “Sir, your medium coffee is ready” I heard the chant “Kumo Tay!”

I swear to god. I just got served Krispy Kreme donuts by Bolo Yeung, star of "Bloodsport" opposite Jean Claude Van Damme. This has to be the ugliest man to ever have his martial arts captured on celluloid; obviously, I was a big fan. Am I certain that that was him? The pictures I took of him didn’t turn out but seriously, how many people named Bolo actually look like Bolo Yeung? How elegant the universe is that two of my favorite things, seemingly so disparate are actually closely related. That day, there was a supercollider in my heart and the Krispy Kreme Particle slammed into the Bolo Yeung Particle and created a pure energy annihilating bloom of joy.

Beef with flat noodles
Pork Blood and Chives

Restaurant Review!

Ngau Kee l Prince Edward l Kowloon

There is a certain echelon of restaurants which may not get written up very often. There’s nothing particularly flashy about them and to the casual diner they may seem even mediocre. The cooking will come off as competent though not particularly daring or exciting. But like some sort of bizarre culinary underworld, these are the restaurants that chefs will actually frequent. Here, the honesty of excellent ingredients, impeccable skill, and unerring consistency allows the most humble and everyday dishes to be elevated to the sublime. Don’t be swayed, it’s the easy things which are hard to do well. There’s just no where to hide your mistakes.

Ngau Kee is what’s known as a “big license business.” These were outdoor restaurants which incidentally had a business licenses which were especially large. They have become synonymous with quick, cheap and easy street cuisine and even though they are no longer outdoors, the name has stuck. And by the way, Ngau Kee is also in that echelon of restaurants I had mentioned earlier as it had come recommended to me by someone who had worked his way up the restaurant business for decades to manage a number of restaurants for Maxim’s; a local restaurant chain.

I hope that you guys aren’t squeamish because some of these dishes may seem fear factorish to some of you. This is a place after all, where the wait staff wears galoshes so they can truck over the often wet floor and across the street to its other locations.

First up, pork blood with chives. Pork blood, once it’s collected, is steamed where it then develops a Jell-O like consistency and is cut into cubes. It is then used in various dishes such as congee. What’s my feeling on it? I’m pretty indifferent. I don’t think it’s the sort of thing I ever really order but I will have it if it’s in front of me. It has a smooth texture but is often a little powdery and gritty the way spinach will leave the dirty sensation on your teeth. Here, it was absolute magic. The anise laced sauce had a slight curry taste to it with that fragrance which only comes from amassing an intricate infusion of spices. The pork blood was tofu smooth and came alive with the sauce. I know it sounds odd but I really can’t describe this dish. It became something otherworldly.

Next up, perfectly steamed free range chicken with scallions and red peppers in a light rice wine soy sauce. Sprinkled generously on top of this was five spice salt. Incredibly juicy and bursting with chicken flavor, I think I ate half the chicken just trying to figure out how such a simple set of ingredients could bring about such an incredible outcome.

And here’s where things get crazy. I’m sure you’ve heard me talk about how you’ll sometimes run across a certain dish which is so far past anything else you ever had that you know that it’s amongst the best of the genre. Every time I’ve run across it, that dish has yet to be surpassed. Crystal Jade’s Xiao Lung Biao, Schubert’s Black Forest Cake, Emmy’s Spaghetti and Meatballs, and Chez Panise’s Polenta are all part of this group. I am now adding Ngau Kee’s beef stir fried with flat noodles.

Bean sprouts, beef, extra slim flat noodles and soy sauce thrown into a blazing hot wok until it develops the “breath of the wok” flavor I mentioned before. The slimmer noodles soaked up all the intense flavors; it was dark without being strong. Beef flavors rang though every morsel with the bean sprouts still crisp and bursting to overcome the richness of the dish. I can’t understate how shocking this is as this is THE ubiquitous Cantonese fried noodle dish. You will find it everywhere you go. It’s like having the best hamburger ever and I don’t mean the let’s use goddamn Kobe beef, foie gras and sliced truffles on a delicate boutique bun until you rip the heart and soul out of the f*cking thing. No, I’m talking about taking a bite out of a burger that tastes like no burger you’ve ever had before and opening up the bun to find nothing more than a patty, lettuce, tomatoes and onions. See, it’s magic.

It's the William Hung of Guns

Hooray for Everbody!

Mong Kok is a shopping district in Hong Kong that is insane even on the quietest day. There is a weird blade runner vibe about this area just out of its sheer chaos. There are food stalls, restaurants, stores and pedestrians everywhere. It is literally like a mosh pit with people squeezed and assaulted by smells, sounds and visuals.

Mong Kok is also a bizarre microcosm of consumerism. It’s like the Disneyland of shopping. You’ll find electronics land barricaded down a single street. Running shoes land takes up four square blocks. Take out food stalls are sprinkled everywhere. There’s a street for flower sellers press close to the street where you can buy shimmering aquarium fish swimming in little plastic bags hanging like globes. There it is, laid out like an AIDS quilt. A patchwork of narrow desires side by side.

One of the most bizarre is the small mall carrying nothing more that hyper realistic BB guns. Guns are neatly displayed in stark cabinets like art exhibits. In the background are plasma screens showing grown men in full combat gear sweating it out in the desert. It’s too bad that these guns are illegal in Canada. Oh wait. I’m not 12. Never mind.

It's not like I’m so mature. My big weakness? Um. Limited edition action figures. Seriously, Hong Kong was ground zero for a huge resurgence of these small run action figures. My first week here I checked out the stores to find my Daft Punk set sitting in a display case. Come on! Both members of Daft Punk in perfectly replicated outfits with robot heads and hands! Plus, there was only a run of 250 of them! But the $200 Cdn price tag really made me think. So, I went home and a week later, decided to have a look at it again. Sold out. All I felt was an overwhelming sense of loss and disappointment. The lesson for you here is that if you find something that makes you happy, you shouldn’t be afraid to go for it. Lucky for me, action figure land is right beside sexy massage land.

Tofu with preserved eggs

A pair of delicious dumplings

Restaurant Review!

Kam Moon Ting l Quarry Bay l Hong Kong

When I first walked in and saw the names Elaine and Stanley on the beautiful stage, my heart slumped when I thought that there was a wedding banquet and that I would be shuffled to a small corner of this Shanghainese restaurant. But oh, the joy and happiness that I felt when I saw these two formidable performers come on stage. Stanley in a dress shirt and jeans combo that said “I know how to party in a reasonable and respectful manner” and Elaine in her bare shoulder green velvet top the beckoned me with tones of Sexy Santa’s helper elf in a Hong Kong mall. Boy, did they ever sing some of the classiest songs this side of Victoria Harbor. Who knew that John Lennon’s “Imagine” would be so beautiful with l’s instead of r’s? Stanley did. Who else but Elaine could bring such heart wrenching emotion to the theme songs to 80’s Hong Kong kids’ cartoons? Oh Ding Dong, you cat with a magical pouch on your stomach, I now know your pain.

And how did the food compare to the classy room? The cold tofu and preserved egg with pork floss may sound intimidating but their version was one of the most harmonious versions I’ve ever had. Quite often I find that the preserved egg overpowers everything else but not this time. The peashoots and pork was loaded with garlic and was fairly decent. The pork dumplings were actually quite good with plenty of brothy juice. I would have been ecstatic if it wasn’t for the dumplings at Crystal Jade. The grilled eel was decent but lacked the crispness that you should find when properly broiling.

All in all, a good restaurant and an excellent second choice to Jade Crystal. Now if only I could get Elaine and Stanley to play at Crystal Jade to elevate that dining experience too.

Don't worry, its a cat spa

The Littlest Hobo

Just like any other city, you’ll find lots of people with pets here in Hong Kong. In a city as cramped, dirty, hot and impersonal as this, it’s nice to come home to a friendly face. However, those are the same reasons why you shouldn’t get a pet in Hong Kong. I think that it’s just so hot, apartments are so small, and there’s no place for them to go. I’m always amazed to see huge Rottweilers ambling down the streets of Hong Kong on dusty, greasy sidewalks filled with exhaust. The other day, I saw a huge St. Bernard in a garage, covered in filthy grease and panting in the 32 degree weather.

However, that’s not to say the people don’t love their pets. There are busy pet spas and pet stores throughout the city. The cages in the pet stores are awfully small and the methods at the pet groomers might seem a little unorthodox by our standards but the owners mean well.

One of our sales staff recently got a kitten and she was proudly showing pictures of him to the rest of the office. I showed her www.kittenwar.com so that I wouldn’t have to keep listening to her stories but then all hell broke loose. She became so mesmorized by the website that she immediately put her cat on the site (Meme) and has been following his win / lose percentage compulsively for weeks now. Another member of our staff volunteers at the SPCA whenever time permits.

The discussion around pets seemed to spark something in the office and my mom, the operations manager and the office manager all brought out photos of kids that they sponsored. My mom sponsored a boy whom they all agreed looked like a criminal. The office manager sponsored a boy whom they felt was so dark he may as well have been from Africa. The operations manager however, sponsored a girl who was chubby so they all felt that he was probably giving away too much money. Treating kids like pets? At least that explains why I use to get hit with rolled up newspapers.

Grouper with lettuce and pickled greens
Egg whites with scallops

Restaurant Review!

Shundin King l Jordon l Kowloon

I really need to stop eating at these holes in the wall. Seriously, people who read these reviews must believe that I have zero class. That’s what I was thinking as I got a whiff of raw sewage as I parked my car in the open lot in Jordon. I was even more certain of this when I walked past greasy, reeking garages and braved clouds of car exhaust to walk into a restaurant decorated with fishing nets on the ceiling.

Sure, the place got marks for having some seriously fresh seafood though it was predominately fresh water (is that still seafood?). The place also got marks for our waiter, Chinese Tim Roth, but something told me this just wasn’t going to me my night. This is one of those places where people come and order huge earthenware pots of bubbling fish and veggies and rounds of beer to ease its passing.

We started with steamed egg whites and cream served on top of broccoli and crispy noodles and covered in deep fried garlic. The egg whites and cream were set to nearly panne cotta softness and were well balanced by the deep fried garlic and noodles. The garlic, green onion and soy braised chicken was decent but unassuming. Our Delta Grouper with green onions was served on a delicious mix of lettuce and pickled mustard greens. You got dashes of fish with freshness of lettuce and sudden turns of sweet pickled greens. Very well done but I think this would have been better if there was enough of us to order this in an earthenware pot.

Looking around, it seemed like everyone had had better luck ordering than we had. I saw tables crammed with people seated around huge earthenware pots. The cooking is far from subtle as it was obviously all about big flavors and grease. Unfortunately, I got enough of that on the walk over from the car.

Restaurant Review!

Triple O’s l Central l Hong Kong

I’m surprised it’s taken me this long but I finally went to my oasis in the desert today. I waded through the ocean of domestic workers who swarm over Central on Sundays and set my eyes on the beacon of the white chicken. I know it’s not a full one White Spot but a Triple O’s is good enough for me. Seriously though, there is nothing like triple O sauce on a burger (though it’s listed as OOO sauce on the board) and even though I may not recommend it to out-of-towners, I do find it comforting for myself.

Somehow, Hong Kong has opened not one, but two, Triple O’s. I guess people got hooked on the taste in BC and had to have it here too. I felt like I had ended up back in Vancouver as I sat in at the Central location. The uniforms, the board, everything was just right. The funny thing about the place though was the way that they play up the 50’s aspect of the place which made it seem even more out of place. I swear to god, you felt like Red Robinson or Jimmy Pattison would walk in at any moment. The other amazing thing was that looking around; it was actually a really diverse customer base. There were people from all over the world here for something as simple as a decent burger, which is honestly, hard to find in Hong Kong. I expected to find tons of Canadians but that just wasn’t the case. I guess its way more universal than I thought.

I ordered the BC burger (bacon and cheese) though I did think long and hard about the Monty. If you bite into a burger here, you will notice two things right way. Everything comes with lettuce and tomatoes and the patty is way thicker than in BC. This leaves you with something that tastes great but just isn’t right. I mean seriously, the lettuce and tomato brings it up a notch and the patty is nice and juicy for a change but…oh wait. Triple O sauce. OK. No more talking.

Epilogue:

I just found out they are planning on opening a third Triple O's in Tsim Sha Tsui. Now I won't have to go so far.

Restaurant Review!

Crystal Jade l Causeway Bay l Hong Kong

One of the first cooking shows that I ever saw was on public access cable television. The great thing about the show was the fact that, as far as I could tell, there was only one episode ever produced. The host came on, introduced himself and then introduced a young Shanghainese woman and her mother. At that point, he told them he’d get out of their way as they proceeded to make one of my all time favorite dishes, Xiao Lung Biao, or steamed pork dumplings. The young woman mainly acted as the interpreter for her mother who deftly rolled out the dough, cut them into circles and filled them with the minced pork filling.

And here’s where the show hits its high point. After the dumplings had finished steaming, they explained to the host, most adamantly, how to eat the dumplings. It was the first time I had ever seen such ritual attached to consuming a dish, much less something so simple. The first thing you do is you very carefully pick up the dumpling and transfer it to your bowl, being sure not to break the skin. Next, you take a small nip out of the skin and slurp out the sweet brothy juices. You then eat the doughy skin and delicious pork filling with ginger spiked Chinese red vinegar.

I admit that I have a penchant for the Shanghainese food and have had my fair share of it throughout my life. I’m always on the look out for new restaurants and the opportunity to try the Xiao Lung Bao. Imagine my surprise when I sampled them at Crystal Jade and discovered something so special, so head and shoulders beyond anything else I had ever had that I had to put my chopsticks down and stare in disbelief. The broth is an absolute marvel, sweet and intense, as if someone had carefully made a stock for hours. The dough was thin and delicate. The filling had a perfectly ground consistency which seemed to release the pork flavor. The rest of the courses such as the pork and vegetable wontons in a light broth, and the Tam Tam noodles (noodles in spicy peanut sauce) were also good. The Shanghai pork chops with hand pulled noodles were especially good with the pork fried to just cooked perfection, cripsy on the outside yet still moist and rose on the inside. However, after those dumplings, everything else just seemed to pale a little bit.

Podcast!

Here’s my next podcast.

Causeway Bay Mix

Polkamatic – Vitalic (2005)
Double Shadow – Junior Boys (2006)
Na Na Na – The Knife (2006)
* – M83 (2005)
Poney Part 1 - Vitalic (2005)
Free Stress Test – Professor Murder (2006)
Teen Angst – M83 (2005)
Test Pattern – The Thermals (2006)
Please Sing My Noise Bleed – Mum…Fleischmann B Mix (2001)
The Repudiated Immortals – Of Montreal (2005)
Never Let Me Down Again – Smashing Pumpkins (2004)
Baker Street – Foo Fighters (1998)
Sea of Love – Cat Power (2000)
Ambulance – TV on the Radio (2004)

To subscribe to the podcast, all you need to do is highlight this following link: http://www.switchpod.com/users/barbapapa/feed.xml and then copy it. Go to iTunes, highlight podcasts and then under “advanced” you can click on subscribe to podcast. Paste the link into the field and then click update to start downloading!

what I saw

What the camera saw

The Bataan Death March: Part 2

The café at the end of the trail was full of hikers and people training for various runs. I sat amongst a group of older men who were actually in some sort of self organized race. With my energy restored and a guide book pointing to very flat trail, I decided to push myself and go for another 8 km. The other runners mentioned that this was a much easier section which further bolstered my energy levels.

Refilling my water bottle, I decided to charge along and actually ran down a portion of the trail. The trail was dry and arid, flanked by many trees for shade, and had a gentle breeze. This was what I had been expecting from a hike in Hong Kong. The trail then leveled out and ran along a long runoff trench which cooled things down considerably. Walking this section, I felt comfortable and confident in the final section of the hike. My thoughts wandered to where I would go for lunch as I had started this hike at 9:30 and it was nearing 1:00 at this point.

Then, there was movement. There was a lot of movement to be exact. A troop of monkeys were walking along the trail towards me and there must have been about 20 individuals.

Flashback. A small child is lining up to see a movie and sees that in the “coming soon” display case; there is a poster for a movie called, “In the Shadows of Kilimanjaro.” The poster shows fang bearing baboons streaming out of the mountains to consume humans during a terrible drought. To further complicate things, this movie claims to be based on true events. I had nightmares for weeks. Slowly coming back to reality. I see that the monkeys are actually moving at a fairly good clip and I know that these guys aren’t scared of people in the least.

Flashback. The same child is in a car going through drive-through safari in Taiwan. We are in the monkey section and they are jumping all over the car. They scream and yell and tear at the windows. The rip out the cars antennae and start peeling off the windshield wipers. I think to myself, if they get in, I’m dead meat. How will my pastel striped Giordano golf shirt and acid washed denim shorts protect me from their claws and fangs? Slowly coming back to reality.

I stand a little bit taller to remind them who’s higher on the evolutionary scale and try to look confident. The monkeys part a small path for me as I walk through their formation, 20 pairs of eyes stare back at me. My shoulders ease as I pass the troop and my step eases slightly until I turn the corner to find yet another group of monkeys. It must have been the pride parade of monkeys because the final 4 km of the trail was nothing but monkeys. Did I ever mention how much I hate monkeys?

The Bataan Death March: Part 1

Surprisingly, Hong Kong is surrounded by an intricate net of trails that run along the hills and back ways of the city. Soon after the nightmare of SARS, the number of hikers dramatically increased as people decided to take steps to improve their overall health. Once a year, there is a massive 100 km, 2 day race that takes people all along the MacLehose Trail. Me, being an absolute moron, thought that this might be an interesting goal to aim for and as far as I could tell, it was a challenging but doable goal. The village where I live, Tseng Lan Shue, is on the route of the Wilson Trail, so I thought that this would be an easy way to start training. My guide book’s description of my 8 km route gave me the sense of a walk through a shaded subtropical rainforest, a bamboo grove and then open hillside.

I knew that my main enemy would be the heat and dehydration so I was sure to pack water, bring a hat, and dress lightly. The idyllic forest walk was a bit more difficult than expected as the rock path was slick from the high humidity. I spent most of that portion walking just off of trail where I could get better traction in the gullies. Finally, the trail opened onto an open road and I started a short jog as I felt motivated by a number of people who seemed to be running the trail.

Once it hooked back up to rough trail and started heading up hill, I slowed down and took the approach carefully, mindful of my exertion and hydration levels. Being someone who hikes up the grouse grind, I felt that this portion should have had little affect on me. Here was where I was dangerously wrong. The shaded portion of the hike was reasonable and I tackled that without much difficulty. Once I entered the open brush I realized that the trail was taking me up a 650 m hill in the formidable sun. Here was where I took many breaks and finished most of my water. Luckily for me, there was an experienced hiker who told me which parts of this hill held areas where you could catch a breeze. I had brought a long a hand towel, now drenched and slung around my neck, and aired it out to cool on these portions to before placing it back on myself like a cold compress. The hill seemed to never end with bends in the trail hiding the actual peak and I considered turning back a few times. The 32 degree heat and the 87% humidity were really taking their toll on me.

Fun Fact! Above 80% humidity, your sweats ability to evaporate is diminished and tends to just pour off of you without cooling you down!

Luckily, I found the summit and the trail wound its way down to a paved road. This portion was much easier as there was a bit of a hillside breeze and I was actually able to lightly jog much of the final distance to a small café where I quickly downed a liter of juice and a liter of water. Someone actually gave me the thumbs up as a jogged the descent from the peak. If only he knew how close to getting heatstroke I really was.